Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
birth control should be required to get into college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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