i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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