i love accidental penises.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Found the puke drawer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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