How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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