Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
