Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
