funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
