I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
