Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
