Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
