We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's never too late to be topless.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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