I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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