Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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