the condom got lost in my hair
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
