Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
