Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
