A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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