I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't notice because vodka
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
