You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
