I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
God I need to hump something, right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
