you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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