You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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