I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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