conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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