Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
