Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
