I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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