Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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