My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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