I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
