For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
