I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
