I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
