im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
