Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
