i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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