It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
