so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
