nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
