i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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