i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's intense
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
