i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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