porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
