he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
