i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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