I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
