I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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