i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
