just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
