i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
